Expectations. To a certain extent it's good to have them but more often than not, they can be the cause for all matter of disappointments. When you're younger, you begin to conjure up this image of your life and how it will be when you're 'all grown up'. You dream of the day when you finally have your shit together (pardon my mild french...) - a nice little place to live, that 'grown up' career you always dreamed of, a potential somebody to settle down with and, if you're lucky, your own pet cat as the cherry on the top of the cake (or any other pet for that matter - but for the record I've always been a cat lover...) Before you know it, you really are a twenty-something and you realise that you totally haven't got your shit together. At all. Not even close. At 24, I can't say I'm exactly running out of time can I? But I'd be telling porkies if I told you that I haven't got some sort of idea in my mind of the 'ideals' - the ideal age I'd like to settle down, the ideal age I'd like to have my career sorted - you get the jist - I can't help but notice that a handful of these 'ideals' I've set for myself have either already passed, or are edging closer. I haven't got my career sorted (I've only just left university). I haven't got my own place. I'm still fishing in the singles pond and, you guessed it, I haven't got that pet cat either.
It's only now that I'm beginning to realise that having expectations like these can be the cause of so much uncertainty and unhappiness. Of course, you've got to have dreams and goals and ambitions but I think, sometimes, we get carried away thinking about what it is we're supposed to be doing rather than just letting things happen naturally - we resist going with the flow, put a time-limit on everything and feel pressurised into being 'perfect'. As I'm currently job-hunting, I've toyed with the possibility of moving away from my home town. Although that excites me, I must admit it's something that doesn't exactly match up with those expectations I once had. Whether I end up doing it or not is another question - it depends on what job I decide to take - but I always thought that if I was going to move away, I'd be doing it with somebody and that I'd have someone to share the excitement with. I had this image in my head of moving somewhere with a long-term boyfriend, just like so many of my friends have done - but it just hasn't panned out that way for me and sometimes I can't help but feel a bit disheartened about the fact that it won't be how I'd always imagined it to be. I definitely think that this is where social media can filter into things. My news feed is full of people buying their first house, getting engaged, having babies, gaining promotions and generally just sharing their successes and happiness. I'm not saying I haven't had my own and of course I'm always chuffed to bits for my friends, but it can be overwhelming when you realise you've almost hit your mid-twenties and aren't even remotely close to having any of these things. Whether you mean to or not, it's very easy to fall in to the trap of comparing your 20-something life to the array of other 20-somethings out there and life can sometimes feel like a competition of who's doing it best and who got there first.
Which begs the question, what is the rush? Why do I actually feel rushed in to having all of these things at the age of 24 and why on earth do I feel like I'm running out of time?! When you step back and take a look at things, you realise that there really isn't a set of rules and your twenties (as corny as it sounds) are all about finding yourself, discovering what you want from life, taking steps towards your future and making a few mistakes along the way (and I've made my fair share...) There's no right or wrong way to do things. I have friends my age who still go out and knock back cheap shots every single weekend - good for them - I also have friends my age who are buying houses, planning weddings and having children - that's jolly good too. I'm just floating around somewhere in the middle of all of that - but it just goes to show how having these expectations when we're in our twenties is completely and utterly pointless - there's no unwritten rule that we absolutely have to have everything sorted before we hit 25 - there's no tick-list - so why do I, and so many other people I know, feel so much pressure to have everything in place when in reality, we should just be enjoying things for what they are?
There's no doubt that being in your twenties can be a little daunting at times. I'm currently job-hunting after finishing my degree (I chose to go to university ever so slightly later than the usual) and can't help but feel I'm a few years behind some of my friends who are all settled in jobs/relationships and are well away climbing up the career ladder - but you know what? That's ok. I have no doubt that it was the right way to go about things for me, and I like to think I've spent time exploring my options, deciding what's best and piecing things together slowly instead of jumping head-first in to something that isn't going to make me happy in the long-term. I've been reminding myself that this little awkward stage in my life isn't going to last forever and that sometimes, it does you good to have some time to re-evaluate and fathom out the next steps you need to take in order to get where you want to be.
There's no doubt that being in your twenties can be a little daunting at times. I'm currently job-hunting after finishing my degree (I chose to go to university ever so slightly later than the usual) and can't help but feel I'm a few years behind some of my friends who are all settled in jobs/relationships and are well away climbing up the career ladder - but you know what? That's ok. I have no doubt that it was the right way to go about things for me, and I like to think I've spent time exploring my options, deciding what's best and piecing things together slowly instead of jumping head-first in to something that isn't going to make me happy in the long-term. I've been reminding myself that this little awkward stage in my life isn't going to last forever and that sometimes, it does you good to have some time to re-evaluate and fathom out the next steps you need to take in order to get where you want to be.
Despite all the pressure, you have to remind yourself that it's okay to feel lost now and again. It's normal to question whether or not you're going in the right direction and it's ok to have absolutely no idea what it is you want to do next. That's the beauty of being in your twenties - there's no better time to make mistakes or change your mind, to feel completely at a loss or feel as if you're back at 'square one'... Instead of allowing these silly expectations of what you should have achieved/should be doing at a certain age get under your skin, I think it's important to focus on what's right for you. Maybe you've just finished your degree, maybe you've just quit your job and decided on a whim you want to go down a completely new path, maybe you've just come out of a long-term relationship and feel completely daunted at the prospect of learning to be completely by yourself again - just because you're a little bit 'up in the air' doesn't mean that you haven't already accomplished something or made a positive step in the right direction. I think what I'm trying to say is that sometimes it's important to just step back, realise things for what they are and relax a little. Just because things aren't going the way you planned or hoped doesn't mean that things aren't falling in to place, and just because some people appear to be a little further ahead in this supposed twenty-something-race compared to you, doesn't mean they actually are. If you've been feeling this way lately, i think it's a good thing to remember that you're not alone. Rest assured that there's other 20-somethings out there who feel exactly the same way as you. Remind yourself that there's no rush, no 'race' and no time-limit when it comes to achieving your goals and ambitions and focus on staying happy and true to yourself - and above all have faith that eventually, things will turn out exactly the way you'd hoped.
'Don't compare your chapter on to somebody else's chapter 20...'
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